This post is the second piece of my last blog post on knowing the will of God. Now that you’ve read about my own struggles to find God’s perfect will, which I now reject as an invalid doctrine and what I have to say below goes along with that.

So now, what about God’s will for your life?

How Christians in Earlier Days Discern God’s Will?

Up until the Industrial Revolution in the 1800’s, most people didn’t have a vote in whom they would marry or what they would do for a living. Parents decided whom their children would marry.  Mary, the mother of Jesus, doubtless got no choice about whom she would marry. She was probably about 12 when God called her to bear the Messiah.

Likewise, boys grew up to do whatever their fathers did, whether that was politics or carpentry. While it was possible, once one became an adult, to leave home and go do something else, that would have been the exception, rather than the rule.

Girls would have learned to take care of the household and also, likely, whatever their mothers did for income, such as making fabric or sewing garments.

The picture of the wife who only did housework, like the wife in the 1950s TV series, “Father Knows Best,” is a modern myth put out by complementarian male Christians. A husband in most cultures couldn’t earn enough for the wife to have that “luxury.” I’m not condemning this role. I am only saying that it does not reflect how life has been and still is for most wives and mothers.

What about Priscilla and Aquila?

Consider the couple, Priscilla and Aquila. They were both tent makers, and the fact that Priscilla was always mentioned first in the New Testament suggests strongly that in some way, she was the most prominent of the couple. She didn’t stay at home sweeping the floor. That’s doesn’t mean that doing household tasks is bad. This is only to suggest that we shouldn’t read the New Testament through the eyes of 1950’s televisiion.

The idea of finding God’s “perfect” will would have been meaningless in the social and historical context of most Christians for most of history. So, unless God redirected them, they didn’t fulfill some “dream” God had for them. They did as they were raised to do and lived for Jesus in their contexts.

The Struggle to Determine the “perfect will of God”

Was there ever a “perfect will of God”? For most western Christians today, there is more choice today. So, does God have a perfect choice for what career you should pursue? Does God have the perfect spouse for you out there somewhere? To borrow from the X-Files, “Is the perfect spouse for you out there, somewhere”?

I would challenge this belief. Let me say that God does indeed call some people to specific roles, such as pastors, missionaries, business leaders, and more. Yes, God does call people to roles that are not church-related. See R. Paul Stevens, Doing God’s Business: Meaning and Motivation for the Marketplace. God does choose people for these sorts of things

However, if you have not been called by God for some specific path, don’t assume he does not care what you do with your life. That’s the sort of “black or white” thinking I am oftren guilty of: it’s either a call to be a missionary or God doesn’t care what I do with my life. That’s a false dichotomy. If it were true, the vast majority of Christians since the first century are not called to anything and have no vocation from God. That’s not biblical.

The prophet Isaiah was called to be a prophet, according to Isaiah 6. On the other hand, there is no evidence that God told Daniel to become a valuable advisor to King Nebuchadnezer in Babylon. See the book of Daniel. God might have a specific choice for you. However, he does not have to. God can work in whatever situation you are in. I don’t understand God’s ways, but not being chosen for a specific role doesn’t mean you don’t matter to God’s purposes.

Problems with the “Perfect Will for Your Life” Theology

First, most Christians in earlier centuries lacked this choice. Did they all disobey God by doing what their parents wanted them to do for employment or marriage? That makes little sense. If their marriages and careers displeased God, it’s not very fair, since they had little or no choice.

Second, if God has a perfect will for you, why is it so hard to figure out? If God loves us, would he make it so difficult to obey? If he wants you to be a school teacher, for example, why would he make it so hard to figure that out? After all, if he has a perfect will for you, finding and doing it are serious business and should be easier to discern.

Who “Should” You Marry?

Before my wife and I began seriously dating, I was engaged to another woman. I prayed about my relationship with her and about whether I should marry her. I felt at peace about it, However, because I think love is blind, but not stupid, I eventually determined that she and I were not a good match.

Shortly after breaking up with her, my future wife came into my life. I daily give thanks for my wife, but the sky never opened up and said, “Marry Amanda.” We have a good marriage, but it is not solely a miracle. It is because we both care about and care for each other.

Many marriages fail because one or the other spouse fails to be supportive. You could marry the spouse God chose for you, but that marriage could end in divorce, which Jesus made clear is generally not God’s will.

That means that you need to do some inner reflection. Choosing a mate should include much more in the decision process than feeling romantic/sexual passion for the other person.

Things to Consider Regarding a Mate

 Do you like the same things? This doesn’t have to be everything, but if your potential spouse is a big fan of opera, and you don’t ever want to go to an opera, that would be a reason to pause. If you like to cook gourmet meals, but your potential spouse only wants simple food, that should give you pause.

If I had learned, while dating my wife, that she really enjoyed horror movies, which I have no desire to watch at all, that might have been a basis for a conversation with her. Fortunately, she doesn’t.

To be clear, though, my wife likes to sew, while I’m a cyclist. I don’t sew and she doesn’t ride her bike. I’m not saying that you and a potential spoiuse must be in agreement on everything. That’s not plausible. I don’t want a clone. These differences aren’t a problem, but you should be aware of them.

In other words, as you get to know a member of the opposite sex, which should not include sexual intercourse, consider if the person is someone you’d want to spend your life with.

 It’s a myth that you can change your spouse. They are who they are. Small things probably don’t matter, but big things do. If a Christian is dating a non-Christian, that is a big problem, and I think, unwise, if not contrary to God’s will.

God expects us to use common sense and consider facts.

Seek Wise Counsel

You would do well to seek advice in making this decision. Say, for example, that Bill is in love with Karen. He is thinking about proposing to her. Bill would be wise to ask others what they think. “Bob, do you think that Karen and I would be a good match for marriage?” “Alice, would you advise that I propose to Karen or do you think we would not do well together?” Of course, not all perspectives will be valid, but asking for them is wise.

While it might go against your desires, you might even ask your parents. They may well have wisdom based upon experience that you do not have. Who knows? They might be right. Jesus himself told his followers to be “wise as serpents.” I’m sure that you can think of things they would say that you wouldn’t like, but it would be wise to ask them, even if you decide not to follow their advice.

Remember: if you are seeking to follow God’s will, you will work at making your marriage work, not plan on getting divorced when things get tough. (Potential) husbands, for example, must live out what Paul wrote in Ephesians 5 for husbands. That is clearly God’s will. I remember stanidng up in front of a bunch of people and promising to love and cherish my wife. I’m not breaking that promise. Period.

So pray and choose carefully.

What should I Do for a Career? How to Know?

Career is another area where you might not get direction from God. If you are excellent at advanced mathematics, that might be a gift from God and you would do well to look for a career that uses that.

If you are a serious extrovert, becoming a cataloging librarian, which is definitely not about working with others, would probably be a poor choice.

God didn’t tell me to become a computer programmer. I chose that because I expected it to pay well until I could get my Ph.D. in New Testament studies. I never expected to be doing that for 30 years. Then, I didn’t feel called to be a reference librarian for a seminary for 7.5 years. However, I can say that God used me in the librarian role.

You should also consider Jesus’ command to love your neighbor as yourself. If you can do that as a salesperson, cook, business person, personal coach, physical therapist, etc., then you can consider doing that as God’s will. I stressed so much about finding God’s perfect will and then ended up doing something I didn’t feel called to do, but it did allow me to love my neighbor by doing good for them.

The Upshot of All This for Knowing God’s Will for You

God gave us minds that can analyze. So, if God has a perfect choice for you, you still need to analyze and look at a potential spouse or potential career and ask God if that’s a choice he approves of. I don’t think there’s a “perfect will of God” out there for most Christians. If that’s correct, then you don’t need to stay up late at night worrying that I made the wrong choice. Instead, pray that God will work in you and with you whatever decision you made.

The apostle Paul said, “Whatever you do in word or deed, do all things in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him” (Col 3:17). If you don’t think you will be able to do that with a certain choice, then it is not God’s will. If you can, then don’t stress about not hearing directly from God on the subject.

At the same time, you and I need to practice being silent before God in order to hear his voice and sense his invitations.

So, there are reasons to not get married, as the apostle Paul indicated in 1 Corinthians 7.  Jesus likewise said that remaining single for the kingdom of God is a good thing, but not for everyone. It’s only for those whom God has gifted that way.

If you are passionate about art, becoming an accountant is probably not a good choice. I believe it is unlikely that God’s will for you is some career choice that you will hate.

Would that make sense? If God calls you to be a missionary in some remote place, you certainly could feel unhappy about the circumstances, but that’s not the same as hating being a missionary.

Plus, many people have jobs because that is what they could get, not because they felt called to be trash collectors or stock clerks or plumbers. I’m not saying that those are bad choices. I’m only suggesting that one might not feel called to do a given job.

If you do not sense a clear call from God to do something for a living, I think you can interpret that to mean that God would be pleased with any choice you make that is not contrary to his will. It would not be acceptable to be a loan shark, drug dealer, sex slaver, or lawyer (just kidding).

How are you wired? Do you like research? Do you like talking to people? Do you like helping others with problems? The way you are “wired” could be a good indicator of what career you would do well in. You can take one of those career tests if you wish, but I don’t trust them very much. The one I took in high school said that I think most like a scientist (that makes sesne) and a female PE teacher. Huh? I don’t even know what that mean.

There are also practical considerations. The odds of getting a full-time teaching position in a college or seminary are low. Period. I considered that long before earning my Ph.D., but since I do feel wired to teach Scripture and research the Bible, I expected God to open a door for me anyway. He didn’t.

I’ve looked at several websites that talk about finding God’s will for your life. I reject the idea of a “perfect will” unless God clearly tells you what to do. Otherwise, he calls us to use wisdom. 

You can get help by reading Gary Friesen, Decision Making and the Will of God: A Biblical Alternative to the Traditional View. I found this a very helpful book and I think that you will too.

So, if you are stressing over God’s perfect will for your life, I invite you to relax, offer your whole self to God, and let him tell you if he wants something specific of you. Otherwise, use the common sense and wisdom that God has given to you and those around you.

The Moravians were big on presenting big choices to a small trusted group and asking for their thoughts on your choice. That’s a very good idea, as it can help you see things you haven’t considered. God has created the church and all believers are part of it. If God had wanted us all to sturggle on our own, he wouldn’t have created the church with believers who were given a wide array of spiritual gifts.

So don’t stress over finding God’s perfect will. God is not going to tease you by expecting you to follow some career path that he won’t tell you about. God is good and God is love. His interactions with you will be consistent with who he is.

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